


one single thread of gold tied me to you

by fullmetallizard



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, I know a lot of people hate kid fics but the little goblin in my brain loves them, I'm gonna be honest...I have no idea what this is, I'm not great at modern au's so be forgiving, Kid Fic, Rating May Change, Royai - Freeform, baby’s first (attempted) slow burn, idiots to lovers, it was an otp prompt, it was supposed to be a oneshot but things got out of hand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29559810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullmetallizard/pseuds/fullmetallizard
Summary: Roy is a single father who is carrying a torch (terrible pun for the flame alchemist, I know) for his best friend, Riza Hawkeye. Is she carrying a torch of her own? Yes. Will they get together as a cute little modge podge family? Proabably.(I'm terrible at summaries)
Relationships: Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang
Comments: 46
Kudos: 57





	1. baby, my baby

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly, I do not own FMA.

Roy’s morning started with Eleanor chucking her sippy cup of milk directly at his head. He ducked in time, but just barely. 

“Nora,” he chastised, without any real power behind it. He was so, so tired. He’d stayed up too late editing an article that he should have finished with the day before. Nora had spiked a fever and the daycare insisted he come pick her up. Once he’d finally emailed the edits to the writer and laid down, his two-year-old discovered that not only could she crawl out of her crib from the lowest setting, she could also open doors. She padded into his room and cried until he finally relented and let her just sleep with in the bed with him. She was not a sound sleeper and neither of them got much rest.

Nora giggled, a particular giggle she saved only for when she was being naughty, stuffed a spoonful of oatmeal into her mouth, and then pouted.

“What’s wrong?” He asked her, trying to get in the last of his cup of coffee before his daughter found another projectile to aim at him.

“My milk,” she whimpered. “It’s gone.”

He gaped at her, speechless. Any other day he would have a talk with her about throwing and consequences but he just didn’t have it in him. He sighed and retrieved the cup, handing it to her as he walked to the counter where his phone was charging. He checked his messages and determined that Riza should be there in an hour if traffic was light.

He thought about maybe convincing her to take Nora to the park for a couple hours so he could sneak in a nap but he brushed it off immediately, feeling a little guilty. This wasn’t her problem, he scolded himself. He then felt worse for thinking of Nora as a problem. He rubbed his temples, trying to summon up some energy.

“Daddy?” He heard. Nora’s voice was tiny and apprehensive. He turned and saw his daughter clumsily pushing her oatmeal around in her bowl, face solemn.

“Hey, buddy, what’s the matter?” He went and knelt down where she sat at her little breakfast table. He smoothed a hand over her dark curls and kissed her head.

“I sorry I frew my cup at you, Daddy,” she said, seriously. “I sorry.”

He almost laughed but pushed the urge away and gave her another kiss, heart melting. “It’s okay, I forgive you. Let’s work on not doing it again though. If you want to throw, how about next time we finish breakfast and then we can play with the bouncy ball?”

She considered it and then nodded. “Okay.”

He looked her over. He’d given her a tepid bath the night before to try to get her temperature down but she had already acquired quite a bit of oatmeal smeared across her pajamas and face, a little in her hair as well. “Let’s do a bath. Because guess what?” Her large, dark eyes met his own. “Riza’s coming to visit today.”

Her grin made his heart twist with pride. She all but ran to the bathroom, her excitement barely containable.

Roy had just gotten her hair brushed and was working on the tiny button of her dress when he heard a knock at the door. “One second!” He called. He hated the tiny buttons. He finished it, pulled Nora onto his hip, and went to open the door.

Riza was standing there, smiling, holding a cream-colored teddy bear, her suitcase behind her.

“REEEEEEEZUUUUH!” Nora screeched excitedly, causing both adults to wince slightly. She was practically vibrating in Roy’s arms. Riza took her from him and started delivering kisses and “I missed you”s while Roy grabbed her suitcase and took it to the guest bedroom.

On the way back, he noticed the hampers were overfilled and the rug in the hallway needed vacuuming and thought maybe he should be embarrassed but he knew Riza wouldn’t judge him for it. She’d been there since the beginning, she was the one who got him through the first two months of Nora’s life, when he was so tired and so overwhelmed, he’d wondered if his brain would just snap in half.

Riza and Nora were on the couch, his daughter clutching her new bear like her life depended on it. Riza sat and smiled through the toddler babble and Roy took the time to study her. He thought maybe her hair had gotten longer even though it had only been two months since he’d seen her last.

Eventually he turned a movie on for Nora and she sat between them and watched, teddy tucked under her arm and thumb in her mouth. He had to break that habit, he reminded himself for the two hundredth time. He would. Tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow.

“Do you want some coffee?” He asked Riza quietly over Nora’s head.

“I’d love some,” Riza answered. “Everything where it usually is?”

He nodded but got up anyways. It didn’t feel right to make Riza brew her own cup. She followed him into the kitchen. Nora thankfully stayed focused on her movie.

She gave him a hug and then held him at arm’s length. “Oh, Roy,” she sighed. She took her thumb and reached up to trace what he guessed were the dark circles under his eyes. “You look like hell. Why didn’t you tell me? I could have come sooner if you needed some help with her. You could have called Maes.”

He didn’t know how to explain that he always felt like he needed help with Nora. Single fatherhood was not a path he thought he would be going down until it was his entire life. He couldn’t break down in his kitchen and tell her that he was scared he was failing his daughter and some days he wasn’t sure how he would make it to the next one. So instead, he busied himself with filling the kettle and scooping coffee grounds into the pour over cup.

“We’ve been fine,” he said. “She had some sort of bug yesterday and she and I didn’t sleep well. You can’t uproot your life for me more than you already do. And Maes has his own daughter he’s busy with.” 

He scrubbed at his eyes, sighed, and then pulled the mug he knew was her favorite out of the cabinet. He suddenly felt like he might cry. Her concern for him made him feel raw, exposed.

“Roy,” she said, seriously. “I’m not ‘uprooting’ anything. I like coming here. I love Nora, I love you. You know that.” He looked at her and noted that her brow was furrowed. She was so earnest in everything she did.

His heart fluttered, not for the first time, hearing the words coming from her mouth. He willed it to stop. He knew what it meant and what it didn’t.

“Here, I know how to make my own coffee,” she said somewhat sternly, pulling the kettle gently from his hand. “I really want you to go lie down. At least for a couple of hours.”

“I have to do the dishes. Oatmeal is like superglue,” he sighed out with dismay, looking at the half-full sink. He never got around to doing them from the night before either, something he wanted to kick himself for now.

“I’ll do them. Please go take a nap. For me.” He studied her, noticing that there was worry in the warm brown of her eyes.

“Normally I would say no,” he assured her, feeling like he needed to. “But last night was a rough one.”

She smiled and he could feel his cheeks growing pink. “You don’t need to explain anything to me.” She placed the kettle back down on the stove and wrapped her arms around him. He rested his head on top of hers for a moment before letting go. “Now, please. Go nap before you drop dead right here on the floor.”

He mustered a smile and then trudged into his bedroom, barely getting his pants off before falling onto the bed, wrapping his blanket around him. With sleep already pulling him in, he set an alarm on his phone for an hour and a half. That would be enough, he figured. That would hold him over until bedtime.

………

Riza got the dishes out of the way quickly and then joined Nora in the living room. She was still absorbed in her movie. Without taking her eyes off of the screen, she climbed into Riza’s lap and leaned into her arms. She grabbed a lock of Riza’s hair, rubbing it between her thumb and forefinger. She’d done it since she had the motor function to and it made Riza smile. 

She pressed a kiss to the top of the girl’s head and noticed that Roy had changed her shampoo from the familiar baby one to something that smelled fruity, probably one for toddlers. It made her want to cry all of a sudden. The girl felt so heavy in her arms and her hair was already to her shoulders. She thought of Roy’s panicked phone call and rushing over to the squishy, snuggly newborn girl. It seemed like it had only been a few months, not two full years.

“Riza? Where’s Daddy?” Nora asked once her movie was finished, looking up at her with bleary, sleepy eyes. She started yawning before she could even finish getting her question out.

“He’s taking a nap,” she told her. “Are you sleepy too?”

Nora nodded, rubbing her eyes. Riza kissed her chubby cheek and stood, gathering the girl in her arms. She opened the door to Roy’s room as quietly as she could.

There was an alarm going off on Roy’s phone that he was sleeping right through. She silenced it before laying the toddler beside her dad. She couldn’t even keep her eyes open but still turned and cuddled into her father’s chest. Roy, still asleep, instinctively wrapped an arm around the girl. Her heart caught in her chest for a moment.

She slipped out of the room quietly and went to the living room to straighten up, grabbing the hampers from Nora’s room and the bathroom on her way. She started a load and then put the toys littered around the room into the pink toy chest beside the TV stand. She wiped down the counters and swept as much as she could, she didn’t want to vacuum and risk waking them from their nap. There really wasn’t too much to do. Roy was a tidy person.

She should have come sooner. She usually came once a month but she couldn’t make it work the month before. So many finals and papers had to be done. Not that Roy couldn’t handle things without her. _He just got too overwhelmed_ , she thought. She sat on the couch to fold the first load of clothes, mind wandering to the time he called her in the middle of the night two years ago.

He and Nora’s birth mother had never been in an actual relationship, the pregnancy was an accident. But Roy was supportive, excited even. They planned out how coparenting would work. Riza remembered Roy updating her after appointments.

But two days after Nora’s birth, Roy answered his door to a tiny newborn sleeping in her car seat, a box of diapers and bag of formula cans beside her. There was a note on the car seat explaining that she just couldn’t do it and not to look for her. To Riza’s knowledge, he never did.

Riza still lived a few blocks away at the time and he had called her immediately. She remembered being so angry she couldn’t breathe. Her mother died when she was Nora’s age and she was raised by a man who, in the end, was devoured by mental illness. Roy was orphaned as a preschooler. Riza couldn’t imagine just…leaving.

It was the first time she’d seen Roy cry since they were children. She wrapped her arms around him as he cradled the newborn to his chest and tried to stop him from trembling. “I love her,” he’d told Riza, voice panicked and choppy. “But I didn’t know I’d be alone. I don’t know what to do.”

Riza shook her head, pulling herself out her thoughts and looked around the small but cozy three-bedroom house. There were pictures of Nora everywhere. Mostly Nora by herself, Nora and Roy, and a few of the three of them. The fridge was covered in sloppy crayon drawings.

Pride swelled in her. He’d figured something out and Riza loved what a good father he was. The only thing she regretted was moving away. It was for grad school and this was the only place she could afford with the scholarship offered. The guilt of going when she knew Roy wanted to but couldn’t crept into her mind often. Roy insisted it was fine and that everything worked out for the best. But she couldn’t help the awkwardness she felt trying to talk about school with Roy.

She finished the second load of laundry, put the folded clothes in the hamper, and went to Nora’s room to put her clothes away. As she was sorting the little clothes into their respective drawers, Riza wondered how often Roy picked her clothes out at the store or if it was his aunt or his sisters.

She quietly entered Roy’s room to put his clothes away. She knew the orders of his drawers by heart so it didn’t take very long. It had been an hour so she decided to wake Nora. She didn’t want her sleeping too long and then staying up at bedtime. She went to scoop the girl up and then at the last minute, sat down on the bed.

She stared at the two of them. They were both sleeping on their sides, facing each other. Roy had a hand spread protectively on the girl’s back and Nora had a chubby starfish hand pressed against the side of his cheek. Riza felt tears welling up and couldn’t figure out why. She allowed herself a couple more moments before gently prying Nora out of her dad’s arm.

“Riza?” She asked, sleepily.

“Yes, honey. It’s me. Are you hungry? Would you like a sandwich?”

Nora nodded. She rubbed her eyes as Riza carried her down the hallway, waking herself up. She gave Riza a kiss on the cheek and then requested to be put down. She walked immediately to her little table. “Riza? Can I have water instead of milk this time?”

“Of course, you can,” Riza said, opening the fridge. “Do you want turkey and cheese or peanut butter and jelly?”


	2. your ivy grows

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another update because sleep machine broke

Roy jolted awake, immediately reaching for his phone to check the time. He groaned when he realized he’d forgotten to turn his brightness down and the light was harsh to his still groggy eyes. He blinked a few times and then realized Riza had let him sleep for over six hours. He got up, stretched, and pulled on a pair of sweats and a hoodie from college. He looked at the emblem and thought about how Nora was almost four months old when he graduated, his Aunt Chris holding her as he walked the stage.

Nora’s bedtime was in two hours. She’d already had a bath so he figured if he could keep her clean enough through dinner that he wouldn’t have to worry about another one. He stretched once more and then left his bedroom feeling almost…sheepish.

He noticed that Riza had changed herself and Nora into pajamas. Riza’s hair was tied up, piled on top of her head. He noticed that she looked tired and he felt guilty instantly. She had to get up early for her flight, he knew that.

“If you want to go to bed, you can,” he called from the edge of the living room doorway.

Nora, upon spotting him, ran up and wrapped herself in his legs. “Hi, Daddy! Me and my Riza colored a picture! It’s for you!” He couldn’t help but smile at her, ruffling her hair.

“Well, thank you, buddy! We’ll have to put it on the fridge, won’t we?”

“Do you feel any better?” Riza asked, motioning for him to come sit beside her. He did. She leaned against his arm but he chose not to read into it.

“Yes, actually. Loads,” he said, honestly. “But I know you had to get up early so you can go to bed now if you want?”

Riza yawned but shook her head, pulling her socked feet onto the couch and tucking them underneath her. “No, I’m okay. I want to hang out for a while. We didn’t get to talk any when I got here.”

He wanted to protest but he knew that trying to argue with Riza Hawkeye was a pointless battle. “Have you eaten dinner yet? I can make something, I think. I’ve been needing to go to the store. I was going to go yesterday before picking Nora up from daycare but I had to get her early.”

“I made Nora a grilled cheese and fruit salad. I think she’s still a little tired from that bug,” she lifted her head and he watched as she studied his child, who played happily on the ground with her plastic Elmo and Cookie Monster figurines, smacking them with abandon against a plastic dollhouse. There was a fondness in her gaze and for a moment he felt relief. So often he worried about Nora not having a mother. Riza wasn’t her mother, obviously, but there was something maternal and protective about the way she watched Nora.

“I’ll go to the store tomorrow. I’m off. I have to edit an article but I don’t need to actually send it back to the writer for a couple of days,” he told her. He felt better than he did earlier but was somehow still tired. That’s how baby and toddlerhood were, he was coming to understand. Even the times his Aunt Chris kept Nora for a whole weekend, he would feel almost just as exhausted picking her up as he did when he was dropping her off.

“We can all go,” Riza answered.

“How long are you staying this time?” He asked. It varied, depending on what kind of break she was having from school. Sometimes it was a four-day weekend, sometimes it was a week. The previous December, she’d been able to stay for three weeks. He secretly hoped it would be longer than four days. The shorter stays were harder on Nora. He also wanted as much time with her as possible. He never knew if there would be a visit where she announced that she’d found permanent housing, or was transferring to a school even further, or that she’d started dating someone and wouldn’t be around as often.

The thought made his heart twinge sharply but he told himself to stop. No need to worry about it now, he reasoned with himself. It also wasn’t really his business, he supposed.

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that once he pulled himself out of his head, he was surprised to see an excited smile on Riza’s face. “I’m actually-”

Nora cut her off with a sad cry from the ground. She pressed her fists to her eyes and let out another. She was crouching with her knees by her chest and Roy could see her scrunching herself up into a tight ball.

Roy couldn’t help but sigh, getting ready to get up to grab Nora from the floor. “Sorry,” he said, bracing himself for what he called “the big scream”.

Instead of the ear-splitting screech coming, Nora walked up to where they sat on the couch and pressed her face into Riza’s thigh. “Riza!” She sobbed. “I no want you to leave!” Roy’s heart sank in his chest and it took him a moment to breathe properly.

“Oh, honey,” Riza soothed, pulling her onto her lap. Nora wrapped her arms around Riza’s neck, pressing her face on her chest. “I just got here. Don’t you worry. You, Daddy, and I are going to play all day tomorrow.” Nora sat up and she and Riza looked at each other. Riza wiped a tear from the toddler’s cheek and smoothed her hair, smiling warmly at her. “Does that sound okay?

“You promise?” Nora asked, the word coming out as “pawmise.”

Riza kissed her forehead. “Yes, I promise. Are you sleepy? You look sleepy to me.”

Nora nodded, pitifully, barely keeping her lip from poking out. “I’m tired. Daddy has to brush my teeth.”

“Do you want to go to bed early?” He asked her standing up, holding his hand out. Nora climbed off of Riza and took his hand, nodding to answer his question. “I’ll be right back,” he told Riza, who just swatted it away as if to tell him not to worry.

Nora was so tired she didn’t put up her usual fight during the toothbrushing. He handed her her little water cup to swish and spit once they were done brushing and he took note of how confidently she held the cup. Her hands were growing less baby-like and more and more childlike every day. It made him impossibly and ruinously sad. Yes, he was exhausted most of the time and Nora threw tantrums like nothing else he’d ever seen but she was growing so quickly. He still missed her being a tiny baby, when her hand wrapped around his thumb every time he touched her palm.

“Can Riza tuck me in too?” She asked when he opened her bedroom door. “I need teddy.”

“Sure,” he told her. “Riza!” He called. He heard her padding down the hall a few moments later.

Nora waited patiently for Riza to come in and gave her the teddy bear and a kiss. She reached her arms up for Roy to put her in the crib and she carefully laid the bear under the covers beside her. Then she reached her hand through the bars while Roy turned her nightlight on and lights off. He went back to grab her hand, but Riza already had it covered.

“Night night, Daddy,” Nora slurred out sleepily. Roy smiled at her.

“Goodnight, buddy,” he told her, heart feeling like it might burst from how much he adored her. “I love you.”

“Riza? I yuv you,” she said, barely awake at this point. Riza stroked the back of Nora’s hand with her thumb. Roy could see she was about to answer when Nora asked, “Riza…can you be my mama?”

Shock went down his body like waves. They’d never had any type of conversation with Nora about her birth mother. He suddenly had to bite down on his cheek to prevent a flood of tears, feeling so sorry for his wee girl.

“Shh, shh,” Riza shushed, voice sweet and kind. It was a voice that she only used for his daughter. He noticed every time; his heart fluttered every time. “I love you so much, Nora.”

She didn’t make any move to get up, stroking Nora’s hand until the girl let out a small snore. Riza gently placed her arm back in the crib and then got up.

Roy was still frozen where he stood, trying his best not to cry. Why was he so damn emotional tonight? This always happened when Riza was visiting, every little thing sitting too close to the surface.

“I…um,” he cleared his throat awkwardly as Riza walked up to him. She put a finger to her lips and pulled him out of the girl’s room. Once she’d shut the door gently, she turned to him.

“Hey,” she said, softer than he thought her voice would be. He could not think of one single word to say. “Don’t stress about this, Roy. It’s okay. She’s two years old, she’s just trying to make sense of her family.” She ran her thumb along his cheekbone, the same soothing gesture she’d done while holding Nora’s hand. Her hand felt cool so he figured his face was flaming red. “I don’t mind her asking and I don’t want you to think I do.”

He nodded, not sure of anything he could say that wasn’t an expression of love or his own longing that she could be Nora’s mother. It wasn’t right to put that on her, he reminded himself sternly, especially with her being so close to finishing school.

“I think I will go to bed though,” she said, lowering her hand but maintaining her proximity to him. “And don’t think anything of it, Roy Mustang,” she warned. “I just didn’t realize that I was tired until we were sitting in the dark with her. Okay?”

His throat finally felt like it had loosened up a little, enough to speak properly. “Okay. We’ll talk more in the morning?”

She smiled and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, as if he needed his heart racing any more than it already was. “Of course, we will. Goodnight, Roy.” 

He nodded in reply and she opened the door of the guest bedroom, turning to give one small wave before closing the door.

Roy stood in the hallway for a moment before going back to his own bedroom. He sat on his bed for a moment, feeling mostly fine and calming himself down when a tear slid down his cheek. It landed on his hand, surprising him. He stared down at it and wiped his eyes before laying down, scrunching his pillow under his neck to get comfortable. He looked at the empty side of the bed, wishing Riza was laying there before forcing himself to close his eyes and willing sleep to come.

………

Riza laid in the guest bed, staring at the ceiling fan blades spinning in the dark. She _was_ tired, that much was true. But only alone here in the dark could she admit to herself that reason she wanted to run when Nora asked if she could be her mom was that Riza realized she wanted that so badly she could barely breathe.

She closed her eyes, begging sleep to find her but instead only finding memories from the first two months of Nora’s life. After she’d gotten Roy calmed down, she went to the store down the road and started buying clothes, wipes, and sheets for the bassinet he’d gotten a couple months prior. She set everything up while Roy alternated between disbelieving laughter and nearly hyperventilating.

She’d never been so sleep deprived. She and Roy took turns tending to the baby, making bottles and changing diapers when needed. They were so tired after the first night that they gave up on the bed/couch rotation system, opting to just share the bed.

She remembered how the day she left for grad school, she gave Nora a kiss on her head and took a long inhale of the sweet, powdery smell of her peach fuzz hair and how hard it was to hand her to Roy and get in her car. She waited until she’d turned the corner on the street and then wept like she never had before in her life. They’d already planned for her to come back in just a month but already she felt like her heart had been split in two.

She only felt whole again when the taxi dropped her off at Roy’s apartment four weeks later. She felt a twinge of guilt for the haggardness of Roy’s face and a tremendous amount for the quick growth Nora had done between two months and three. But feeling the warm, damp weight of her and the familiar gaze of her best friend, she felt so…right.

Riza rolled over on the bed, feeling a small sob burst from her before she could stop it. She picked at a loose thread on the light purple comforter that she’d picked out for the room. Roy wanted her to like it, since it would effectively be hers. She took a deep breath and ordered herself to stop. There was nothing to be upset about. Roy was on his feet. He loved Nora; anyone could see how much. Nora was a well-adjusted and happy toddler.

But she was also aware of how she thought about Nora every day. Roy was more than happy to send pictures and FaceTime most nights. She counted down the days until she could be here, in this house, again.

She breathed out another sob as her thoughts shifted to Roy. Her best friend since they were in the fifth grade. They had dated in their sophomore year of high school but it didn’t work out for some reason she couldn’t quite remember now. They stayed close. They decided the following year to go to the same school.

She wished she could remember why they broke up, why they never tried again, never did anything more than spend the occasional drunk night tangled up in bed together. They never talked about it. She didn’t feel like she needed to. She didn’t even really know if she was in love with him then.

She didn’t realize it until Nora was ten months old, when she took her first steps. By some stroke of luck, she was staying for a week and it happened the second day she was there. She and Roy were sitting on the couch together and Nora pulled up on the ottoman. Roy said she’d been doing it for a while but Riza could see the determination in her little face. She let go and walked right towards Roy.

The pure, unbridled joy on his face, the way he cheered for his daughter, the way he looked over to Riza with pride glowing in his eyes, Riza found herself breathless. She’d known from then on; but she was at school and he was busy and there was really no need to bring it up to him.

After some more deep breathing, she felt more in control of herself. The tears finally stopped flowing and she managed to unclench her muscles.

She had been up for hours. She thought about tomorrow, getting to wake up here. They were going to the grocery store and maybe they could go to the park after. She thought of watching Nora run around with the sun shining on her dark curls and finally, finally she felt peaceful enough to let sleep envelop her.

She woke the next morning to the sound of the rain. She turned slowly to watch it fall from the window. It was still dim outside from how overcast the sky was, the pour of rain steady and thick. She was sad for a moment; she had wanted to go to the park. But the fact that she was seeing them at all quickly made up for any minor disappointment.

She sat up and stretched. She could hear Roy in the kitchen but she could tell by the time that Nora usually got up a half hour from now. Riza got out of bed and put on leggings and a sweatshirt, taking her toiletry bag out of her suitcase, taking it to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth.

When she went into the kitchen, Roy was standing by the French Press, typing on his phone.

“Morning,” Riza said.

Roy jumped a bit but recovered quickly. “Good morning,” he told her, giving her a small smile. The timer on his phone went off and he silenced it. He turned back to the press and pushed the plunger down. He had two mugs on the counter and Riza felt emotional again that he’d thought of her. Which she supposed was silly because she was staying in his house and he knew she drank coffee.

She accepted her mug and sat down at the table. Roy joined her. She was lost in her thoughts, trying to make a plan of the day when she heard him clear his throat.

“So, uh, about last night. With Nora.”

She shook her head. “Roy, this doesn’t have to be thing. I don’t feel awkward about it. She’s two. It’s perfectly normal for her to ask.”

“I know. I just,” he sounded nervous, running his hand through his hair. “I felt…embarrassed. I already feel like you do so much for us and I didn’t want you to feel like you were being put on the spot. I know I rely on you too much.” He was so quiet on the last sentence Riza had to strain to hear him.

“Well, I don’t feel that way. About any part of it. You don’t rely on me too much. It’s _hard_. You’re a single parent. It’s okay to be thrown by a loop about it. I’m sure if the situation was reversed, you’d be helping me just as much.”

Roy pondered on that for a moment. “I like to think that I would.”

Riza smiled. “I know you would have.” Her cheeks felt warm and she wondered if she was blushing.

“So, you never got to answer last night, but how long are you staying? I noticed you have the suitcase instead of the duffle bag.”

“Actually, I’m finished,” she said, trying to keep her tone light but couldn’t stop the excitement from seeping into her words. “So, once I can find an apartment, I’m moving back for good.”

Roy blinked a couple times. “You’re done? Wait, what? How?”

She felt herself smiling. “I finished everything. I mean, I took classes during the summer so I could. I took all of my finals throughout the last month.”

“Riza! That’s amazing! You did it!” He was grinning and got up to wrap her in his arms. “That’s so great.” He laughed and she suddenly believed the times he told her he wasn’t upset she was in school when he wasn’t, that he was happy for her.

“I know,” she said, laying her head on his chest. “And hopefully there’s an availability at my old complex. I’d only be about ten minutes down the road.” The idea of being a short car ride from the two of them made her feel a relief she hadn’t felt the entirety of grad school.

Roy pulled away but kept his hands on her shoulders. “Just live here,” he said, seriously. “You have a whole room here. There’s no reason for you to pay another deposit,”

“I…here?” She asked.

He dropped his hands. “I mean, not if you don’t want to,” he said, the words coming out rushed. “I just thought it’d be easier. I know it might be too much. I didn’t even think of that.”

She studied his face, his eyes were pointed at the floor, shoulders slumped. Before even thinking about it, she cupped his face, trying to get him to meet her gaze. “I would love to live here. But what do we do if…if things go bad?”

He looked legitimately puzzled, brows knitted together in confusion. “What would go bad?”

“Well, I mean, what if you meet somebody,” she said quietly. Now it was her turn to have trouble meeting his eyes. “How would you explain it to them?”

“Riza,” he said. She blushed as he reached up and put his hand in his hair.

She was about to take a leap and lean forward when a tiny voice interrupted.

“Daddy? Riza? What you doing?”

Roy recovered quickly, backing away to look at Nora. “Coming up with a grocery list to go shopping. And wondering what to make you for breakfast. Do you want oats again or do you want cereal and fruit?”

Nora chose cereal and while Roy took her to brush her teeth, Riza busied herself with chopping some strawberries and a banana, taking extra care to not to cut her fingers in the flustered state she was in. She pressed the back of her hand to her forehead. “Calm down, Riza,” she told herself. “Keep it together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you know the "............" between the shift in POV is called a dinkus?


	3. i get mystified by how this city screams your name

Roy’s heart was racing as he brushed Nora’s teeth. She must have been feeling better because it was like trying to brush a weasel’s teeth with all the squirming and twisting she was doing. Once he’d gotten her calm enough, his mind started to wander.

What was going on? Why had he held Riza like that? Did she like it? For a second he could have sworn she was about to kiss him. But surely, he was imagining that. He was.

“Okay, I done. Cup please,” Nora said, pointing to the little yellow cup after spitting a mouthful of toothpaste bubbles into the sink.

Roy smiled as he filled it with water and handed it to her.

“Daddy?” She asked, handing the cup back once she was finished.

“Yes?”

“When is my Riza going back home?” She asked, voice suddenly filled with sadness, dark eyes trained on her tiny socked feet. “I don’t want her to leave again.”

“Riza’s actually staying for a while, buddy,” he said, helping her climb down from the stepstool.

Her grin nearly cracked his heart in two.

“When do you think Riza will be my mama?” She asked, reaching up for a hug, starfish hands grabbing at the air.

Roy tried to hold it back but the sigh still came. “Nora,” he said softly, putting her down from the hug and, grabbing her brush out of the medicine cabinet. She turned around and he started working it through the tangles in her hair. “Riza is Daddy’s friend. It’s complicated.”

She turned back to face him, brow furrowed. “Elicia has a mama,” she replied, turning back with her lip poking out.

Roy bit the inside of his cheek. Two and a half was too young to tell her about her birth mother, “the egg donor” if he was feeling particularly spiteful. Right now, he was. He swallowed past the lump in his throat, past the unfairness of it all. His chest ached knowing he couldn’t give Nora the mother she so clearly wanted.

“We’re going to have a good day with Riza, okay? Let’s just be happy she’s here.”

“I _am_ happy,” Nora insisted.

“I know,” he said, returning the brush back to its home in the cabinet. “I know you are.”

“I want to eat,” she said, reaching for the door handle. This knob was a bit taller than the one in the bedrooms so she needed help opening it. _Small miracles_ , Roy thought. She padded off to the kitchen, her worries about Riza and her mother seemingly tabled for the time being.

He stepped in the hall and could hear the two of them talking to each other, the rhythm of it easy and familiar and he stood there, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, willing his forming headache to fade.

Riza was sitting at the table, scrolling through her phone and Nora was happily stuffing her mouth with cheerios, juice from a strawberry, running down her chin. Roy stopped to take her shirt off before she could stain her pajamas and sat across from Riza.

She locked her phone and sat it down. “Okay,” she said. “Grocery list.”

Her smile twisted his insides, equal parts torturous and thrilling. She just looked so…soft and happy here, sitting at his secondhand table, picking at her plate of strawberries. Smiling back was involuntary, like blinking.

“Well, I was going to make curry tonight to celebrate you finishing school.”

Riza grinned. “Hell yeah,” she said quietly. He laughed.

“It’s a pretty big list,” Riza said after they’d spent a few minutes suggesting meals back and forth. “We’re going to be there for a while.”

He nodded. “That’s fine. Hopefully we can get through it without a tantrum from N-o-r-a,” he spelled.

“God willing,” Riza said, her lips were red from the strawberries and Roy sternly told himself to stop noticing that immediately.

“I done,” Nora announced, throwing her spoon on the ground.

“Is that what we do when we finish our food?” He asked her.

She shook her head forlornly. “No. Sorry, Daddy. Sorry, my Riza.”

Riza laughed. “I forgive you, my Nora.”

Roy got up to retrieve the spoon and started to wash the dishes before Riza had the chance to.

“Let’s go get ready, honey,” Riza said to Nora, grabbing her little hand and leading her to the guest room. _Hopefully Riza’s room_ , his brain said.

“Shut up, brain,” he muttered, sticking his hand under the tap to test the temperature. He hissed pulling his hand back from the scalding water _. Just like me to jump in too quickly and end up burned,_ he thought.

After a few minutes, he put the last of the dishes on the drying rack and turned to hear giggles and whispers that sounded suspicious. “What are you two doing over there?” He asked. They rounded the corner hand in hand and Roy nearly melted into a puddle on the spot.

Riza had put Nora in a dress he’d never seen before. She must have brought it. Nora did a twirl and he took in the little yellow dress, complete with a black and white polka dot cardigan. Riza matched in a long black and white polka dot skirt and a butter yellow sweater that Roy thought complimented the light flush in her cheeks wonderfully.

“Well, aren’t you two as pretty as a picture,” he gushed, swooping his daughter into his arms and kissing her on her cheek until she was screeching with laughter.

Riza was grinning. “I saw the dress at Target and couldn’t resist,” she said.

“Well, let me get a picture,” Roy exclaimed, grabbing his phone off the table and handing the toddler over to her. Riza happily adjusted her on her hip and smiling for the several pictures he insisted on taking. “Say cheese, Nora,” he called from behind the screen.

“Ham-cheese,” Nora called, making them crack up. “Turkey-cheese!”

“Okay, okay,” Riza finally said after a solid minute of pictures. “You’re going to run out of storage on your phone if you keep on. We should get going.”

He slipped his phone into his pocket and reached for Nora, who refused to leave Riza’s arms.

“Well, fine,” he sniffled, feigning hurt. Nora giggled.

Riza kissed her nose.

“Alright, gang,” Roy said, grabbing his keys off the key-hook by the door. “Let’s get this show on the road.

………

Getting Nora into her car seat was a battle and a half. The girl only surrendered once Riza agreed to sit in the back beside her.

Roy hummed along to the radio as they rode down the road. Nora was kicking her legs and then stuck her hand over the side. “Hand, please,” she insisted.

Riza laughed. “This is definitely your child,” she called up to the front seat. “Greedy little negotiator.”

Roy snorted. “I think the fact that she’s a tiny clone of me settled any potential doubt there may have been.” Riza watched as he put the blinker on, checking his blind spot before turning. Something about watching him do mundane things set her heart ablaze.

She reminded herself to cut it out. There was no point in complicating things. Especially now that she was considering moving in with him. Any other circumstance she would have just bit the bullet and told him. But Nora was in the picture. Disrupting her life more than she already did seemed selfish; potentially not seeing her again was out of the question.

“Riza,” Nora whispered, pulling Riza from her thoughts.

“Yes?” She whispered back, leaning towards her to hear her better,

“Is Daddy gonna get graham crackers? She asked.

Riza choked down a laugh. “I’m sure we can make that happen, sweetheart,” she assured her.

Roy pulled into a spot and parked the car. “Alright, Nora. Do you want to ride in the stroller or sit in the cart?” Roy asked, pulling reusable shopping bags out of his glove compartment.

“Cart!” Nora answered happily.

She whined a little as Roy unclipped her from her seat but perked up when she realized she could hold both of their hands as they walked through the parking lot.

“Riza has to push me,” she told Roy after he’d clipped her into the seat of the shopping cart, pushing his hands away from the handle.

“Jeez,” Roy said, holding his hands up in surrender and stepping aside for Riza. “Riza comes to town and suddenly Daddy is a pile of chopped liver, huh?”

Nora nodded though Riza was sure she had no idea what on earth her father was saying to her.

This particular grocery store had a basket of free fruit for kids and Roy grabbed a banana, peeling it as they walked. He gave it to Nora and the way she looked at him made Riza’s breath catch in her throat. She looked at her dad like he’d built a ladder from scratch and climbed up it to hang every individual star in the sky for her.

Things were going well until they were halfway through the list when Nora tossed her cup over the side of the cart and let out a high-pitched whine. She smacked her little fists on the handlebar of the cart. Roy looked over from the bags of rice. “No,” he said, warning in his tone. “We’re not doing this here, Eleanor.”

“We need to go,” Nora said, her voice nearly a beg. “Now.” A couple at the other end of the aisle gave a pointed glance in their direction.

“We can’t just yet,” Roy told her. Riza grabbed the girl’s hand. She could tell Roy was frustrated but Riza felt sorry for Nora. She was antsy, the colors of the boxes and food packaging and the tinny, staticky music playing from the speakers in the ceiling had to be overstimulating.

“We’re almost done,” Riza assured her. “But if we cry and throw a fit it might end up taking even longer, right? Just hang tight and then we’ll get to go home and play.”

Nora nodded but her lower lip started trembling, tears pooling in her eyes. Riza gave her a kiss on the forehead and a few tears slipped down. She sniffed quietly as she pushed the cart and Riza’s heart hurt. As flustering and frustrating as the screaming tantrums were, her quiet cries just made Riza desperately sad.

Nora took a sip of her water, breaths still coming out as little hiccups. She gripped Riza’s thumb.

After a few more minutes of calm, Nora started twitching around on her seat. “Riza,” she said, looking up at her. Her eyelashes were still wet and Riza could feel herself softening at the dark of the girl’s eyes. There was no other face she loved quite this much.

“Yes?” She asked, grabbing a box of crackers and tossing it into the cart.

“I really, really, _really_ want you to be my mama. Please?”

Riza flushed and had to bite down on the inside of her cheek to stop the “me too,” that wanted to escape. She felt hot, the nervousness of overstepping boundaries at war with the desire to comfort Nora.

“That’s not how it works, buddy,” Roy said, coming up beside them to smooth his hand over his daughter’s hair.

“Yes, it is!” She nearly shrieked. “Elicia’s mama makes her food and gives her baths and my Riza does that so Riza is my mama!” She kicked angrily at the air. Riza had to dodge quickly to avoid being kicked in the middle. Riza closed her eyes and wished so, so badly that it all were that simple.

“Nora,” Roy sighed. He looked over at Riza and he was clearly as at much of a loss for words as she was.

“NO!” Nora said, arching her back and straining against the strap that kept her secure. “NO! She’s my mama! You can’t say no!” She let out a loud, siren sounding cry.

Riza’s cheeks burned as people openly watched the display and she hoped they were too far down the aisle to hear the actual discussion.

“Fine!” Roy snapped. “That’s fine. Just stop causing a scene right now.”

Riza had no idea what to do, choosing to rub her hand on the hot skin of Nora’s cheek. She was still huffing but seemed to be calming. She looked up at Roy who was bright red and chewing on his lip.

He noticed her looking and leaned over to whisper in her ear. “I’m really sorry. I’ll talk to her about it at home but I just want to get out of here as soon as possible.”

She nodded but felt her brow furrow in confusion. Why would he be sorry? She couldn’t figure it out but decided to drop it for the time being, focusing on tackling the last few items on the list.

Nora tickled her fingers over Riza’s, a clumsy toddler piano and sang “mama, mama, mama,” over and over to a melody she’d seemingly made up on the spot, recent tantrum completely forgotten.

Riza nearly forgot how to breathe. She told herself she was not wishing, she was not wanting, and knew she was lying to herself. Nora sounded so happy and the sound of it made Riza’s eyes sting. She noticed Roy grew redder and redder each time Nora said it and Riza hoped he wasn’t too upset.

They turned onto the last aisle they needed when a familiar voice called their names. Riza looked around and spotted their high school English teacher. “Hello,” she smiled. “What a nice surprise.”

“Likewise,” Mrs. Locke answered, delivering a warm smile that made Riza wonder how she’d ever managed to leave this town. The smaller woman wrapped Riza in a hug and then extended her hand to Roy. “My star student,” she grinned at him.

Roy laughed. “Well, I don’t know about that.”

“I haven’t been seeing your name in the paper lately. Are you still there?”

He nodded. “Full time editor now. I’ll probably go back to writing in a couple years once this one is in school,” he said, gesturing to Nora who was watching the display with curious eyes.

“Oh!” Mrs. Locke exclaimed as if she just noticed the girl. “Well, aren’t you just beautiful?” She asked, extending her hand for a handshake. Nora hesitantly took it. Mrs. Locke laughed and then looked back to the two of them. “I would really love to catch up but I’m in a bit of a rush, unfortunately. You know me, brain like a jar of marbles.”

Riza laughed and Roy waved her concern away. “It’s all right. Another time.”

“It was just delightful to see you two,” the woman smiled, pulling her shopping basket higher up on her arm. “Between us, I always thought you guys would end up together, all the teachers did. I was particularly heartbroken when you broke up,” she laughed.

Riza almost corrected her but she was frozen. Roy appeared to be as well. Nora had started quietly singing her “mama” song again, dancing in her seat.

“But it clearly worked out for the best. All grown up with a beautiful baby. I feel ancient,” she finished, chuckling. “Let’s catch up soon. My wife will have my head if I’m any later than I already am.”

They stammered out goodbyes to their teacher who was seemingly either unaware or unfazed by their sudden social ineptness. She gave Riza another hug and made her way down to the next aisle.

“That was…” she started to say.

Roy nodded. “That was certainly something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've determined I am, in fact, not being successful in my attempt at a slow burn. I get so frustrated! Just kiss, you buffoons! My partner and I got married after just a few months of dating so it's a foreign concept to me hehe (can you tell I'm an Aries lmaooo)


	4. i can hear your hesitation

Nora put up another small fight at being strapped into her car seat but fell asleep by the time they had the groceries sorted away into the trunk. Riza had already gotten in the passenger seat but Roy stood at the trunk a moment more, rubbing his hands over his face and trying hard to calm down and collect himself.

He was still reeling from the idea that half the high school faculty was rooting for a relationship with him and Riza, still hurting from Nora’s little voice calling Riza mama. He hated how it right it sounded, hated himself for how much he wanted it to stick.

He sighed and told himself to stop stalling. He got in his seat and could already feel his cheeks growing warm. He looked over at Riza. She was chewing her thumbnail, her hair curling at the edges from the light drizzle of rain scattering through the parking lot.

“I,” he started, the words stopping in his throat, mouth dry. “I honestly don’t know what to say.”

She looked at him, thumb still curled over her lower lip. The warm honey of her eyes, familiar and… _“beautiful,”_ his mind supplied, scrambled his ability to think. He cleared his throat, fumbling around in his brain to find any words he could possibly say.

“I should have told her to stop,” he finally said, looking away to stare over the top of the steering wheel. He put the key in the ignition but didn’t turn the car on. “She was right on the edge of a full-blown tantrum but I get that isn’t really an excuse.”

“I understand,” Riza said, voice small.

“Understand?” He asked, bewilderment breaking its way through the cloud of anxiety and half-formed apologies. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I understand why you wouldn’t want her to call me that. Boundaries and all of that.”

“Riza,” he said, more confused than ever. “It’s not that I don’t want her to. I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“Uncomfortable?” She asked. He looked back over to her. Her brows were knitted together. “Why would I be uncomfortable?”

“Well, I,” he stammered. Nora let out a whine from the backseat and he quickly turned the car on and backed out, hoping the motion of the car would lull her back into her nap. “I just…I don’t want you to feel like she’s putting you in a position, or something. I don’t want you to feel obligated to do anything for us.”

“I do, though,” she said. Guilt flooded his chest, white hot. “Stop,” she said right after. “I can see the self-torture going on in your brain. Stop. Obligation isn’t a bad thing. I’m not here against my will. I’m here because I want to be.”

Roy blinked a few times, a thousand and one confessions fighting their way through his throat to come out. “Why did _you_ think I was telling Nora no to calling you her mom?” He asked once he felt calm enough to.

He saw her shrug in his peripheral. “I thought maybe it was the boundary thing. Or that you didn’t want to confuse her.”

He sighed. “I think she’ll be confused no matter what. It’s just the nature of the situation, I guess.” Riza was quiet. “To be honest, _I’m_ still confused. I don’t understand why someone would leave her.”

“I know,” Riza said, voice soft and guarded. 

“Sometimes, though,” he said, turning onto the main road that would take them home. “I think that maybe it was for the best in the long run. I probably would have only gotten her every other weekend if she’d stayed. I like having her full time.”

Riza nodded and they were quiet for the rest of the drive, listening to the radio. Riza watched the rain fall outside the window.

“I don’t mind,” she said, suddenly.

“Don’t mind what?”

“I don’t mind if she calls me mom,” Riza admitted.

He looked over. She was still gazing out of the window, the streetlights lighting her face up into something exquisite. He was immediately grateful he was driving. In the moment he wanted to do nothing more than lean across the center console and kiss her. “Are you sure?”

“If you’re okay with it,” she said quickly. “I won’t encourage it or anything but I feel like it’ll hurt her feelings if we correct her. I’m probably the closest thing she has to a mother anyways.”

He pulled into the driveway of the house. “You definitely are,” he all but whispered, his heart aching for Nora so much he thought he might cry.

“So. That’s it, then. It doesn’t have to be awkward and you have to stop being so self-conscious of it, okay?” 

The conversation seemed to be tabled for the time being and Roy was glad. He wasn’t sure how much more of it he could take without losing his composure.

Riza unclipped Nora and scooped her up as Roy looped grocery bags around his wrist. He followed them up, barely hearing as Nora garbled a sleepy, “my mama” into Riza’s neck.

“Mhm,” Riza soothed. “Sleep a bit longer, honey.” She turned into the hall, carrying Nora to her room.

Roy deposited the bags onto the table, turning to go back for the last of them. He stood for a while, lost in thought and heartbreak and joy until he was pulled back to the present by the buzzing of his phone in his back pocket.

He was sure it was the poor writer waiting on his stuff back to keep the boss from breathing down their throats and Roy was grateful to see it was Maes.

“Hello?” He asked.

“Hey. Do you want to have a playdate? Gracia is at a conference and darling Elicia has been absolutely feral,” Maes told him cheerfully.

“Sure, Nora’s asleep right now but she’ll probably be up soon. She had a massive tantrum at the grocery store.” He started slowly grabbing bags.

“A tantrum? About what?”

Roy heard something crash in the background and Maes sighing in response, long and tired. As sick as it was, it gave him some small bit of satisfaction. Even if it was just for a few days, Maes would get a taste of what every day was like for him. “Well, she didn’t want to be there to begin with. And…and she’s started calling Riza ‘mama,’” he admitted.

Maes gasped and Roy closed his eyes, bracing himself. “That. Is. _Wonderful_ ,” he gushed. “This is exactly what I wanted!”

“Well, good for you then,” Roy mumbled, having half a mind to just hang up on him. “It’s awkward. I feel like it’s putting Riza in a position.”

“Have you considered it’s a position Riza would like to be in?” Maes asked.

Roy blinked a few times. “I mean, I-”

“Roy, do you really think someone would get on a plane multiple times a month if it wasn’t something they wanted to be doing? Someone who, might I add, is a nervous flier? You two are giving me a stomach ulcer, I swear to God. She’s a grown adult, she wouldn’t be there if she didn’t want to be.”

“I know that,” Roy insisted. “I’m not talking about this anymore. Bring your kid over in like two hours. Am I feeding you?”

“Yes, darling. That would be greatly appreciated. I have to go find Elicia anyways, she’s been quiet this entire phone call so that can’t be good. I’ll see you in a bit, okay?”

“Yeah,” Roy said, grabbing the last of the bags and closing the trunk. “Bye.”

When he got back inside, Riza was putting the groceries away, humming to herself. When she noticed him, she smiled over and Roy thought he might crack in half.

 _“Don’t smile at me like that,”_ he thought, almost losing the battle of keeping his mouth shut. _“I’m already ruinously in love with you.”_

………

“Your clothes are soaked,” Riza said, unsure of what else to say. “You can go change while I finish putting these up.” She’d already changed back into leggings and a hoodie. Roy kept it cold in the house.

Roy nodded; face clouded in a way that concerned her. She decided to let him be, instead focusing on making sure she was putting things in their correct place.

“Maes is bringing Elicia over soon,” Roy told her, coming back into the kitchen and grabbing a bag. He walked over to the pantry and started sorting boxes. “Gracia is out of town or something and it sounds like he’s drowning a bit.”

Riza laughed a little at his tone. “Just you wait, a few months of me being here and you’ll be the same,” she said.

Roy looked over from the fruit snacks he was emptying into a basket. “You’re moving in? You decided?” He was grinning and Riza thought she might kiss him at the sight.

“I mean, yeah,” she stammered, feeling her cheeks get hot. “If that’s still okay. Like you said, it doesn’t make sense to pay another deposit when I’d mostly be here anyways.”

“Of course it’s okay!” Roy laughed, abandoning the box he was holding and wrapping his arms around her. “It’ll be great and Nora will be so happy!”

Riza could feel something shifting, something clicking into place and it thrilled and frightened her all the same. _Home_. For the first time since she was small, she would have a home with her best friend and his child. Riza gave Roy one last squeeze around his middle and hoping there wasn’t a shoe waiting to drop.

“When do you want to get your things? I could probably get Maes to watch Nora and I could help you. Jean probably could too.”

Riza laughed, holding her hands up. “Slow down, slow down. We have time. Let’s at least wait long enough for Gracia to get home. I don’t think Maes could handle the two of them.”

Roy snorted and went back to his boxes. “You’re probably right.”

Once the groceries were put away, Roy went to get his computer, sitting down on the couch. His brow was furrowed as he typed.

She took a deep breath, feeling like her nerves might buzz right out of her skin. Roy was her best friend. Why should she be afraid to tell him anything?

She sat beside him, running her fingers over the frayed edge of the hoodie she had on. It was his, if she remembered correctly. Confessions fluttered around her chest, wanting to find their way out.

She sighed. “Roy.”

“Hm?” He asked, looking over, fingers paused over the keys.

Riza’s mouth dried. He was so familiar. She’d been looking at his face since childhood but in that moment, he looked brand new. His face was open, like always. His eyes were tired but soft.

Riza felt like she would incinerate on the couch.

“I,” she tried to say.

“Are you okay?” He asked, concern clouding his face.

She nodded brushing her bangs to the side, hoping he didn’t notice the trembling of her hands.

He did and he reached out to grab one. His hands were warm despite the chill in the little house. She looked down at her lap, unable to meet his eyeline. She didn’t want to know if there was pity in his gaze, she knew she would cry if there was.

“Hey,” he soothed, releasing her hand and wrapping an arm around her. She leaned against him, laying her head on his shoulder. His hand on her hip nearly burned where it touched. “What’s going on?”

His hand found her hair and she closed her eyes, wishing she wasn’t so afraid.

“I’m worried about something going wrong,” she said quietly. Not a lie and it kept the confessions at bay. “I want to be here but I don’t want something to happen and I never get to see Nora again.” The fear was a real one, something she’d thought many times but hadn’t voiced to him.

“Nothing is going to happen,” he said, reaching his hand up to wind his fingers through her hair. “And even on the off chance it did, I would never keep you from Nora. I can’t even imagine doing that to either of you.”

She nodded, feeling her eyes well up.

“Don’t worry about that,” he said. Riza could have sworn she felt his pulse quicken under her cheek.

She was opening her mouth to ask him how he could be so sure when Nora let out a cry from her bedroom.

“Ah,” Roy said, tiredly, removing his hand and sitting back up. The padding of socked feet grew closer. “Here she comes.”

“Daaaaaaddy,” Nora wailed, rounding the corner into the living room. “You’re gone!”

“I’m not gone,” Roy said, making what looked like a considerable effort to keep a smile off of his face. “I’m right here.”

Nora sniffled a few times, looking back and forth between the two of them. “My mama’s here,” she said. Riza felt a jolt of surprise through her chest. She was half-convinced Nora would wake up from her nap and go back to “my Riza.”

One of her pigtails had fallen out, the surviving one mussed and tangled with sleep. She made her way to the couch, clumsily climbing up to sit on her lap. Riza pulled the other elastic out to finger-comb her hair. “I’m here,” she told her. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Guess who’s coming over in a little while?” Roy asked, putting his laptop on the coffee table. “Elicia.”

Nora grinned and Roy got up to grab her cup, grabbing some fruit snacks on his way back. “But Daddy has to do some work before they come over. Will that be okay?”

“I’ve got her,” Riza said. “If you want to just get it done in the room.”

Roy started chewing on his lip. “If you’re sure. I’m just…running a little behind schedule with it.”

“Roy, it’s literally fine.”

“Yeah, Daddy,” Nora offered, mouthful. “Me and Mama are fine. We’re going to play.”

Roy’s cheeks went pink but he laughed. “All right, all right. I can see when I’m not wanted. Just give me an hour.”

He gathered his things, placed a kiss on Nora’s head and then Riza’s, and made his way to his room.

“Elicia’s mommy and daddy are married,” Nora informed her after she’d picked a movie and got it playing on the TV. Riza rubbed her back absentmindedly, wondering what on earth had made her think of such a fact.

“I know,” Riza said. “I was at the wedding. Daddy was too.”

Nora’s tiny forehead furrowed and Riza rubbed the spot between her eyebrows to smooth it back out. “Where was Nora?” She asked.

Riza laughed. “You weren’t here yet.”

Nora nodded, accepting the explanation. “Are you and Daddy married?”

“No, we’re not,” Riza said, an uneasy feeling forming in the pit of her stomach.

“When are you gonna?” Nora asked.

There was nothing but innocence and curiosity in her question but Riza didn’t know how to handle the question. She considered going to get Roy but found the idea too embarrassing.

“I think,” Riza said carefully. “That our family is just a bit different. But we’re happy, right?”

Nora nodded, conversation dropped, and turned to the movie. She leaned back onto Riza’s chest.

“Mama?” She asked with a quiet voice.

There was that thrill again, a wish fulfilled. “Yes?”

“I’m happy you’re home.”

Riza hid the tear that managed to escape before Nora could see it. “Me too, baby. I’m happy.”


	5. know you like the drive home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry, my computer was broken but I've gotten a replacement so I'm back on my bullshit.

Roy lost track of time, going well over the hour he’d initially thought he needed. He kept finding task after task he’d been falling behind on, his “tomorrows” finally catching up to him. He texted Riza who assured him the two of them were perfectly fine so he kept going until he was caught up and then some. Feeling ten pounds lighter, he closed his computer and returned it to its home in his bedside table.

Staring at a screen for so long made his eyes sore and he leaned forward rubbing the headache at his temples away. He knew he couldn’t keep going like this for much longer, his heart couldn’t take it. But he figured that if Riza felt the same, she would have told him. There were times he swore she felt the same, like her eyes were glowing with… _something_. But he knew he was always an idealist and that had bit him in the ass a time or two.

He sighed. His daughter would be the one hurt the most if he and Riza crashed and burned.

He was pulled out of the pit he was falling into by the doorbell. Maes. He heard the door open and two toddlers shrieking. Maes laughed at something, muffled by the bedroom door. Roy shook himself off and after a short mental pep talk, went to join them.

Nora and Elicia were already giggling maniacally, elbows deep in the toy chest and Maes had already helped himself to one of his beers. Riza smiled and held one out to him as he came into the kitchen.

“I haven’t started cooking yet so don’t get excited,” Roy warned Maes.

“Your presence alone excites me, dear,” Maes deadpanned, taking a swig of his beer. “I don’t know how you do it, honestly,” he added after a moment, watching the toddlers line up toys across the living room floor. “I don’t know what I’d do without Gracia.”

Roy watched as Riza went over and sat on the floor with the girls, pointing at toys and asking a question he couldn’t quite hear. He knew Maes had meant it as a compliment but it wasn’t Roy’s favorite one to receive. He was never quite sure how to respond because, to him, the obvious follow up was _“What other choice did I have?”_

“Well,” he said. “I have Riza.”

Maes looked sickeningly smug. “Oh, I’m _extremely_ aware of that.”

Roy rolled his eyes and went to the fridge, setting his beer on the counter as he walked. He started pulling vegetables out. “Elicia eats curry, right?”

“Elicia would eat garbage if I let her,” Maes informed him happily. “She’s practically a beautiful, sentient raccoon so no complaints on our end. Do you need any help?”

Roy shook his head, pulling a large pot down from its place in the counter.

“Hey,” Riza said, coming into the kitchen. “They want to play outside and it’s not raining anymore. Does anyone have any objections to me taking them out?”

Roy shook his head, not trusting his voice. It felt unfair that she could set his heart racing just by walking in the room and smiling at him. He was also sure Maes noticed his awkwardness and he knew he’d never hear the end of it.

“No objections here,” Maes said. “I actively welcome the quiet.”

“Or I could help in here,” she offered. Roy could feel her eyes on the side of his face. “If you need any.”

“He already shot me down,” Maes said, feigning hurt.

“Mama!” Nora yelled, appearing by Riza’s thigh, taking her hand and attempting to pull her back. “Outside now?”

“Sure thing,” she said, allowing herself to be dragged away. The sliding glass door opened and then closed again.

“That,” Maes said, plopping himself into a chair at the table, “was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.” His grin was absolutely appalling.

Roy sighed and continued chopping the carrots, wondering if he’d made a mistake telling Maes to come over. “I’m worried it’s too awkward.”

“Riza doesn’t seem to feel that way. If you weren’t too busy hiding your face in the produce, you would have seen that.”

Roy turned away from the kitchen counter to face him. “Maes. I really don’t want to talk about this.”

“Well, I really don’t care,” Maes shot back. “This has gone on long enough. What’s stopping you? She told me she’s moving in. Even your two-year-old is trying to make it happen. What’s the hold up?”

Roy pressed his fingers hard into the skin of his forehead, the ache just refusing to go away. “Is it too cliché to say rejection?” He asked. The fear, now voiced, settled itself firmly in his chest.

“Cliché? Probably not. Unfounded and ridiculous, maybe.”

Roy rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to chuck the bottle of olive oil in his hand at his friend’s head. “You never know. No matter how well you think you know a person or situation, you just…don’t know.”

“Tell me you’re not talking about Laura,” Maes said quietly, peeling at the label of his beer.

Roy stiffened at the name, the discomfort squeezing him tight around the middle. They never said her name. He could happily go the rest of his life and never hear that name again.

“Riza deserves much more credit than that, Roy,” Maes said, voice serious and bordering on stern. “And you’ve known her since, what? The fourth grade or something? You _do_ know her, give me a break.”

Roy said nothing.

“You’ve got it bad for her,” Maes sighed. “If you don’t do something about it, you’re going to be miserable.”

“Does it please you to know that I am already adequately miserable?” He muttered out, wishing Maes was physically capable of being quiet for at least ten minutes.

“It does not. This is exactly what I’m talking about,” Maes said. “Why are you both letting yourselves be miserable when you don’t have to be? She’s got it bad for you too, you know.” He added the last part a bit more gently.

Sometimes, Roy could have sworn he was right. Others he wasn’t so sure.

“When’s the last time you slept with her?” Maes asked, seemingly totally out of the blue.

Roy nearly spit out the sip of beer he’d just taken. “ _That_ is definitely none of your business.”

“ _Again_ ,” Maes sung out, “I do not care. So?”

Roy could feel the blush creeping across his neck. “I guess the first time I visited her after she moved. My aunt had Nora.”

“Oh, _Nora_ was alive when this happened? This had reached all-time high levels of idiocy. You’re too old to have a fuckbuddy,” he chastised.

“Don’t call her that,” Roy snapped, shocked with how angry the insinuation made him. “We were both shitfaced and she never mentioned it again. I figured she didn’t want to talk about it if she realized it was a mistake.”

“You’re a dumbass, Roy. You’re going to make me go grey, you know?” Maes asked after an exasperated sigh.

“Yeah, yeah,” Roy muttered back. “Please, let’s drop it before I lose my mind.”

………

The girls were holding hands and spinning in circles as Riza watched from the comfort of the patio chair, taking the occasional picture on his phone. The sliding glass door opened and she looked over at the sound.

Maes waved a little, shutting the door, and walking over to take the seat next to her.

“He kicked me out,” he informed her.

She tried and failed to suppress a grin. “Meaning, you got on his nerves so badly that he threatened bodily harm?”

Maes nodded, “Correct.”

Riza smiled, wishing she could take things in stride as easily as Maes seemed to, water rolling off a duck. The skin around her emotions lately felt more like wet paper.

“Mama!” Nora called, running up to her and nearly tripping, catching herself on Riza’s knees.

She wondered if hearing the title would ever stop sending a shock of electricity through her. “Yes?”

“Flower for you!” The girl happily announced, holding a wilted dandelion out to her, limp from her clumsy grasp.

Riza took it, smiling at her. “Thank you so much, Nora. I love it!”

Nora grinned with pride and toddled off to join Elicia where she waited with a plastic shovel.

“She’s really something, huh?” Maes asked quietly.

Riza nodded. “She is.” She ran her finger lightly along the bright yellow of the petals, overwhelmed with fondness.

“Roy’s worried you feel awkward about the ‘mama’ thing,” he informed her.

She got the feeling this wasn’t information Roy had wanted to relayed to her. She shrugged. “I really don’t mind at all.”

Maes was nodding. “That’s what I told him. He’s really good at self-torment. And why should you feel awkward? You’ve been taking care of her since she was born.”

“I feel like she’s mine,” Riza admitted quietly after a moment. Maes looked over but didn’t say anything, waiting for her to say more. “I don’t know. I’ve never had a kid of my own but I literally can’t imagine loving someone more than I love her, you know?”

Maes gazed over at Elicia, eyes soft. “Yeah,” he said, voice uncharacteristically soft. “I do.”

“Riza,” he said after a minute.

“Yeah?”

“I really think you need to tell Roy that.”

She felt her cheeks flush and she hated it. Maes was far too intuitive to be getting emotional around. “I think he knows,” she said.

“Can I ask you something?” He said, voice still quiet.

“Sure,” she said, apprehension creeping into her belly. She watched the girls take turns doing fumbling somersaults across the yard. She took a deep breath.

“What are you waiting for, exactly?” Maes asked her.

She felt her brow furrow. “What do you mean?”

“You can tell Roy how you feel about him. It’s not really my place to say anything but I just…I really want you two to be happy. Even though you both seem hellbent on not allowing it.”

Riza felt her pulse pick up. Too intuitive, indeed. She wondered if Roy had said anything, if he was also drowning in want. “I’m not waiting for anything,” she said. “It’s more like a ‘don’t mess with a good thing’ situation.” It wasn’t technically untrue.

“That doesn’t make sense to me,” Maes muttered.

She didn’t think it would. He was married to the person he’d had a child with. He wasn’t an add-on, someone coming in after the life had been created by someone else.

“It could end horrible. It could hurt Nora. I could…I could lose them,” she nearly whispered, feeling the tears sneak up on her before she could stop them. She took a deep breath through her nose. “I can’t. I don’t…they’re my only family.”

“Riza,” Maes said gently, reaching across the space between them to lightly take her hand. “Anything can end terribly. But things also end wonderfully. This could be one of those things. You have no reason to think otherwise.”

She shook her head, using her free hand to wipe at the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. “I’m not an optimistic person,” she said.

“It’s the worth the risk,” Maes insisted.

“Said the optimist,” she replied.

“Just think about what I said, okay?” He asked. “If you promise to think about it we can change the subject. That is my bribe to you.”

The laugh that bubbled out of her chest surprised her and she sighed a breath of relief she didn’t know she’d been holding. “Bribe accepted. Please let’s talk about anything else.”

Maes talked a while longer about work and Gracia until the girls came up to them and asking for water.

They all moved inside. Roy was portioning curry and rice into various bowls, two sippy cups already filled and placed on Nora’s little table. Maes took the girls to the bathroom to wash their hands and Riza walked into the kitchen.

“Did he talk your ear off?” Roy asked, scooching a bit to the side as Riza reached for the silverware drawer.

She nodded. “I’ve always liked his company though,” she said. “He pulls me out of my head a bit.”

Roy chuckled and she unwillingly warmed at the sound. “I wish I could relate. He puts me further into mine. He comes over here, acts like a fool for hours, and leaves me with existential dread.”

Riza laughed and before she could stop herself, reached out and grabbed Roy’s hand.

Her heart was racing but Roy didn’t seem to react like it was anything out of the ordinary. He gave her hand a squeeze and then leaned into her, laying his cheek on the top of her head. “You okay?” He asked.

“Mhm,” she hummed. “I think I’m just a bit tired.”

Roy pulled away at the shuffling of footsteps approaching, grabbing bowls and placing them on the tables.

“God, if college us could see how domestic this all is,” Maes laughed, sitting down and grabbing a fork from the pile of silverware Riza laid in the center of the table. “The only thing missing is Gracia.”

Riza ate quietly, hungrier than she realized. She watched Nora wipe her face with a napkin and noticed her eyes were rimmed with red like she’d been crying. But Riza knew she hadn’t. She got closer to inspect.

“Did you get sand in your eyes when we played outside, Nora?” She asked. Roy looked over.

Nora shook her head, shoveling another bite of food into her mouth,

“Are they itchy?” Roy asked.

Nora shook her head.

“I’ll call the pediatrician,” Roy told Riza.

Riza nodded, feeling the tiniest pit form in her stomach. She tried her best to shake it off, telling herself she was just being overly cautious and that she was probably getting nervous over nothing.

Maes and Elicia left for home soon a couple hours they’d finished dinner, the toddlers sharing a tearful goodbye. Riza tried to start on the dishes but felt fatigue pulling on her lids, her hands moving slowly through the soapy water.

“Go lay down,” Roy told her, voice bordering on stern. He pulled the bowl out of her hands and nudged her gently with his hip. “I’ll get this.”

She wanted to argue but knew she couldn’t fight the exhaustion creeping into her bones for too much longer. Roy told her again to lie down.

Nora heard them talking and came up to where they stood at the sink, wrapping herself around Riza’s legs. Riza happily accepted the sloppy toddler kiss and “night-night, mama” Nora offered.

Roy kissed her forehead quick like a habit before she padded her way to her room. She fell into bed, hearing echoes of what Maes said when they were outside. He could be horribly wrong.

So much in Riza’s life had ended abruptly. Her mother’s life, her father’s mind. She didn’t think she could survive Roy and Nora being on that list.

But, as her eyes closed and her body gave her up to waiting dreams, she couldn’t help but hope that maybe Maes could be right too.


	6. seeing your face a thousand times is not enough

Nora’s eyes grew heavy as Roy sat with her on the couch, her words coming out lazy and slurred.

“Do you want to brush your teeth and go to bed now?” He asked. She nodded, looking like she might not open her eyes after each blink.

“I think I’m sleepy,” she mumbled out and Roy smiled at her phrasing. He pushed her bangs out of her eyes, noticing that she was running a small temperature, her forehead just a bit warm and cheeks rosier than normal.

“I think you definitely are,” he said, taking her hand and leading her to the bathroom.

He studied her eyes closely as he brushed her teeth and hoped she didn’t have pink eye, trying to remember if it could cause a fever.

“Do you feel sick, buddy?” He asked after she’d swished and spit with her water cup.

She shook her head and handed the cup back to them.

“Are you sure your eyes aren’t itchy?” He asked.

“No itchies, I just tired,” she answered.

“If you say so,” he said, heading into her room as she followed behind like a duckling.

He changed her into pajamas and turned her nightlight on. She was asleep before Roy could ask if she wanted a bedtime story. The concern grew a bit stronger but she seemed to be sleeping peacefully.

He closed the door gently on his way out and was about to head to his own bed when he heard what sounded like sobbing from Riza’s room. He stood in the hallway for a few seconds, unsure if he should leave her be but decided to knock gently at the door.

No answer and but the sound of choking sobs.

“Riza?” He called gently through the door. He put his hand on the doorknob but didn’t turn it. “Riza? Are you okay?”

No response again but once the crying replaced itself with panicked wheezing, he couldn’t take it anymore, knowing there was no way he could just go to his room and go to sleep with her being this upset across the hall. He opened the door, wincing a little at the way it creaked.

“Riza, what’s wrong?” He nearly whispered, walking over to where she laid curled on her side.

All at once, he realized she was still asleep, lost in a nightmare.

“Hey,” he said, reaching over and shaking her gently.

She woke with a start, gasping and half sitting up on the bed. Her eyes darted around the room, wild and scared. Her chest was heaving, face red and splotchy.

“You were having a bad dream, I think. You were crying.”

Riza’s brow furrowed and she brought her hand up to her eyes, wiping at the tears there. “Oh,” she said quietly, voice still thick with sleep.

Roy stood there awkwardly for a minute, unsure of the proper protocol for the situation.

Riza blinked hard a few times and then scooted herself over to the other pillow, gesturing for him to lay down beside her. He did, adjusting himself onto his side so there could be a couple inches between them.

Riza leaned forward, pressing her face into his chest and his pulse started racing. She was still breathing heavily but thankfully seemed to have calmed some. Her closeness felt like the permission he needed to roll onto his back, gathering her into his arm so she could lay more comfortably.

“What was the dream about?” He asked into the dark of the room.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, already being pulled back into sleep. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

He’d always liked Riza sleepy. The guarded walls around her always fell and she was much more inclined to cuddle, something he very selfishly appreciated.

He turned and pressed a kiss into her hair, feeling tiredness starting to creep into his mind as well.

“Will you sleep here?” She slurred out, just barely awake.

“Mhm,” he hummed out, closing his eyes.

He felt her stretch her arm out, her hand finding its place over his heart. Her breaths were slow and even and Roy had never felt so at home anywhere or with anyone in his life. She let out a tiny snore and he smiled to himself.

“I’m in love with you,” he whispered to her sleeping form. “And I think it may kill me.”

He let himself fall easily into sleep.

He woke hours later to a sharp cry from Nora’s room. He turned to check the time from the clock on his side table, squinting as the bright cherry numbers stung his sleepy eyes. Five in the morning. He groaned.

He laid there unmoving to see if Nora would just settle back down but she cried again. He could hear her doorknob rattling as she attempted to leave her room. He sighed.

“Is she okay?” Riza garbled out from beside him.

“It must be nightmare night for everyone,” he sighed, standing to go get her. He met her in the hallway where she’d already made it out of her room and was attempting to get in his.

“Hey,” he said quietly. She looked up at him, eyes wet and frightened in a way that made him want to start crying himself. “What’s the matter?” He crouched and held his hands out towards her.

Her lower lip poked out and she reached for him. “I had a yucky dream,” she whimpered, laying her head on his shoulder. “I want you and Mama.”

“We’re in here,” he said, trying and failing to hold back a yawn. He carried Nora back into Riza’s room. He didn’t have the heart to try to get her to go back to sleep in her own bed. He was already desperately sad at the idea of her waking up scared and alone the first time.

Nora all but dove onto the bed, cuddling into Riza who wrapped her arms around her even though she was still mostly asleep. Roy laid back down where he’d fallen asleep, the blankets still warm.

“You’re okay,” Riza soothed, her words nearly unintelligible from sleep.

Roy turned onto his side, Nora sandwiched between them, and rubbed circle into the toddler’s back. She seemed settled, Riza was already snoring again.

He closed his eyes again, trying to remember if there was ever a time in his life he had felt so safe.

………

Riza woke to the sun shining into the window. She laid there for a moment, disoriented, trying to figure out why the bed felt so crowded. She felt Nora wiggle a little in her arms and the memories from the night before started to find their way into her mind as her senses returned.

Nightmares. Roy had come in to check on her and at some point, Nora joined them in the bed.

Roy’s arm tightened over her waist and she took a deep breath. If she remembered correctly, Nora was in between them when they fell asleep. Now, Riza was in the middle, Nora curled against her chest like a snail, Roy’s body wrapped against her back, arm tight over her waist.

Instead of untangling herself and risking waking them, she just let her body relax against theirs again, letting herself enjoy it while knowing it might be a bad idea all the same.

She couldn’t stop thinking about her conversation the day prior with Maes. She didn’t think herself a cowardly person in any other circumstance but the idea of taking something so comfortable and established and turning it into something fragile and new was frightening beyond words.

Nora grunted a little bit and rolled away from her, turning onto her stomach. The shirt of her pajama set rode up a bit in the back and Riza was going to pull it down when she noticed a spotty rash. She pulled the shirt up a little more and saw it stretched over most of her lower back.

“Roy,” she said, just above a whisper, nudging him lightly with her elbow.

He startled awake. “Huh?” He asked, looking around the room.

She let him get his bearings for a few seconds and then motioned for him to look. “This wasn’t here yesterday,” she told him. His brow furrowed. “I would have noticed it when I got her dressed when we went to the store.”

“No, it definitely wasn’t,” he said, voice slightly scratchy from sleep. “It doesn’t look like chicken pox, right? They’ll have to shut the whole damn daycare down if it is.”

Riza shook her head. “Chicken pox is more spread out. I had it when I was little.”

“She had eczema as a little baby but she hasn’t for a while now.” He pulled his arm away like it just occurred to him that it was wrapped around her body. She tried not to miss the absence of it. “I’m going to go ahead and call the pediatrician. Hopefully it’s nothing.”

Riza thought he sounded a little like he was trying to convince himself, worry settling itself in creases between his eyebrows. She wanted to wrap him up, to kiss the lines away but knew she wouldn’t.

To busy her hands, she leaned forward to hold the back of her hand against the sleeping toddler’s forehead. Just slightly warm, nothing alarming. Concern still creeped in, Riza unable to shake the image of Nora’s red rimmed eyes.

“Just a low fever,” she reported. “If that.”

He nodded and climbed out of the bed. “I’m going to call. Hopefully they can get her in today, I know my aunt wanted her tonight.” He left the room and after a couple minutes he could hear him on the phone from his room.

Nora stirred beside her and opened her eyes. Still pink, just a bit foggy from dreams. “Mama?” She asked.

“Hm?” Riza asked, laying back down and opening her arms.

“I’m in your bed,” Nora informed her, cuddling into her arms.

“Yes, you are. You had a bad dream.”

Nora was nodding. “I hungry now.”

Riza smiled and carried her out to the kitchen. “We’ll brush your teeth after breakfast. Oats?”

Nora nodded and wiggled to get down, walking over to her toy chest to play while she waited for her breakfast. Roy joined her in the kitchen once she was stirring some half and half into the bowl of instant oatmeal.

“I’m going to take her in an hour,” he said, grabbing the French press down from the counter. He filled the kettle and grabbed two mugs from their shelf. Riza put the oatmeal on Nora’s table and called her over.

“I can go with you,” Riza said. “I don’t really have anything to do until my stuff is here.”

Roy nodded, setting a timer on his phone. “Just a warning, she throws a fit as soon as she sees the doctor’s office.”

She nodded. She absentmindedly ate an apple and read the news on her phone while Roy answered emails. Nora ate happily, humming and swinging her feet back and forth.

“She doesn’t seem sick, right?” He asked. She could hear the worry in his voice again and it made her chest ache.

“She seems more tired than usual but she seems happy. She’s playing and eating alright.”

He nodded, his shoulders loosening a bit.

The rest of the hour went by quickly after Nora finished eating. By the time all three of them had their teeth brushed and clothes on, it was time to get in the car.

As promised, Nora did start crying as soon as they pulled into the parking lot. “No doctor, no doctor!” She screamed to them in the front.

“Eleanor,” Roy said. “Please do not do this. No shots today, okay?”

“NO DOCTOR,” she screamed back.

“Nora,” Riza said. “They’re just going to look at you and then we can go home. Everything is okay.”

“No shots?” She asked, her screeching cries receding to quiet sobs.

“No shots,” Roy confirmed, putting the car in park and pulling the keys out of the ignition, handing them to Riza to put in her bag.

Nora had to be carried in but the tantrum seemed to be over for now. She sat on Riza’s lap as Roy checked her in. He came over to sit with them, shoving his ID and Nora’s insurance card into their respective slots in his wallet.

The wait was thankfully short and they were called back to get Nora’s height and weight. The little thermometer beeped red after taking her temperature and Riza felt the anxiety start to wiggle itself back into her brain.

“Just 99,” the nurse told them with a smile, sensing that they were both tense.

Riza tried her best to give her a smile before she led them to a room, handing her a tiny little gown with smiling bears to change Nora into.

Roy was fidgeting while they waited for the doctor to come in.

“Hey,” Riza said, almost reaching over to take his hand but deciding not to at the last second. “Are you okay?”

He nodded but she could tell he was chewing on the inside of his cheek. She’d seen the same look from him many times over the years: when she’d broken her arm in the eighth grade, before big exams in high school, during their break up. It was so terribly familiar and made her ache like it always had.

She was about to say something when the doctor came into the room.

“Hello, hello!” She announced, smiling at them, pausing at Riza. “Oh, I’ve never gotten to meet Mom before. I’m Dr. Stevens.”

Riza smiled, unsure if she should correct. “Nice to meet you,” she said, noticing Roy’s cheeks were flushed. “I’m Riza.”

The doctor nodded and then turned to Nora who was making the stuffed kitten she’d brought walk up and down Roy’s arm. “What seems to be the problem?” She asked.

“She’s had a low fever on and off for a few days,” Roy told her, standing to sit Nora on the paper lined bed. “Her eyes started looking pretty red last night. She woke up with a rash on her back today.”

“Let’s take a look,” the doctor said, grabbing the stethoscope that hung from her neck.

Riza watched as the doctor listened to Nora’s heart and lungs. She looked at her eyes and then at the rash.

“She goes to daycare, right?” She asked.

Roy nodded.

“It looks like pinkeye, pretty common in young children who go to daycare. It doesn’t always cause a fever but it can.”

“And the rash?” Riza asked.

“It looks like her eczema is just flaring up. Stress from being sick can definitely make it irritated. I can send antibiotic drops and some steroid cream for the rash to the pharmacy. She’ll need the drops twice a day and it definitely won’t be fun but it should clear up pretty quick. She seems happy enough. Are you happy, Eleanor?” She asked, smiling at her.

“That my ‘in trouble’ name,” Nora grinned out at her. The doctor laughed and said her goodbyes, excusing herself.

“See?” Riza said to Nora, pulling her shirt back over her head. “No shots, nothing bad.”

Nora giggled and started trying to help pull her pants on.

“Ready?” Riza asked Roy once she’d shoved Nora’s little shoes back onto her feet.

“Yeah,” he said. “My aunt texted me and said she still wants her. We can go by the pharmacy and then drop her off.”

Riza nodded, pulling the keys out of her purse and handing them to him.

Roy still seemed antsy on the way to the pharmacy, fidgeting with the steering wheel and breathing hard through his nose.

“You’re going to chew a hole through your cheek if you don’t stop,” Riza warned him.

He smiled a little and stopped. “I think you’ve said that exact thing to me a thousand times over the years.”

“Pinkeye’s not so bad, right? Everyone gets it when they’re little.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, moving up a bit in the pharmacy drive through line. “I just don’t know why it would make her sleepy though. And she says her eyes aren’t itchy. I think I’m being paranoid.”

“We’ll keep an eye on it,” she said, wishing she could take the worry from him.

He nodded and pulled up to the window. After paying and passing Riza the waxy paper bag, made his way to his aunt’s house.

Somewhere in the fifteen-minute drive, their hands had found each other’s. Roy was absentmindedly rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb, making her heart skip in her chest. Butterflies and held-back confessions made a tangled mess of her stomach.

“I think we should talk when we get back to the house,” Roy said, quietly, making her stomach fall.

She knew, immediately, what they would be talking about. Everything was going to be laid out on the table, both of them finally frustrated with tiptoeing around each other. She didn’t know if she should be anxious for a letdown or anxious for a beginning.

But as she watched Roy carry a sleepy Nora into his aunt’s house, she couldn’t help but feel hope welling up inside of her.

**Author's Note:**

> howdy, thanks for reading! wear your seatbelt and drink some water, love youuu!


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